Prologue
Hi.
My name is Kent Jetarus and I recently fought some monsters. I know
that sounds like it belongs in a really bad science fiction story,
but this isn’t. This is as real as it gets. I also know that you
think that monsters don’t exist, particularly any large bear-like
monstrosities, like Bezuph is. If you think that, then you might as
well read some other story, like “Cutie-Pie The Happy Bunny”,
because this story is about a the aforementioned monster, an
evil scientist, two brainy boys (although one is brainier than the
other,) 500 Bezites, a clever strategy, and some bottles of
champagne. Now what might all this add up to? Well, you could either
be a wimp and flip to the end of the story, or read the story. I’d
read the story, because if you don’t, you’ll never know about the
other characters. So, what are you waiting for? Read this story, and
you’ll know about just what monsters there really are. Oh yeah, did
I mention the dancing ballerina-hippo?
….......
“O.K.,”
I said to my best friend and assistant, Phillip Lasquit. “Let’s
try this uranium-powered nut-cracker again.”
“Do
you think this will work?” asked Phillip. He had golden hair and
dull blue eyes. He was 5’ 11” and a huge hit with the ladies. I
have never understood how we managed to be friends, especially
because I am a brown-haired, green-eyed boy, that’s five-foot-zero
and every girl I meet rejects me. Phillip is also incredibly stupid,
while I am a comparative genius. Anyway, back to the story.
“Sure
it will.” I said confidently, but inside I was as nervous as a pig
at a bacon festival. My nervousness was understandable, as in the
past, Phillip and I have made 200 mistakes...just on this project!
For example:
#2:
Turned nut into LED, not sure how...
#17:
Can you say KABOOM!?
#45:
Let’s not even go there.
#77:
First time nut turned into animal (a cat, thank god)
#131:
Machine turned into squirrel, ate the nut. That was slightly
expensive.
#172:
Nut vanished into roaring fire.
#190-#200:
Nut turned into hippo, seems to be a problem with temporal flux that
got in there somehow.
I
gulped and flipped the switch. The lasers fired, and the nut cracked
open! We both cheered...until we saw the hippo and its tutu.
“Evacuate!!”
I screamed. We ran out of there as fast as a greased lightning bolt.
“Well,”
I thought to myself. “At least I have something new for the Mistake
List:
#
201: Nut turned into ballerina/hippo”.
(See?
I did warn you about the hippo.)
….......
“Let’s
see,” said Dr. Kaen. “Which kind of evil laugh should I do when I
conquer the world?”
Dr.
Kaen was a tall, thin, bony, absentminded-looking man with an evil
brain, a mustache, a goatee, and a lab coat that said: ‘WARNING!
Mad Scientist with Ray Gun!’ on it. The brain did not look
especially evil, however. It was just an ordinary-looking brain.
“A
cackle or a chortle? I know! A…A…wait, what was I talking about?”
Kaen thought for a minute. “Oh well, never mind,” The scientist
grinned his evil grin. It wasn't especially good, as evil grins go.
“Anyway,
it’s time to bring Bezuph to life.” Kaen flipped the switch.
Electricity crackled, Dr. Kaen cackled, and the prone body of Bezuph
sat up.
Dr.
Kaen noted that Bezuph was a 16-foot tall, hairy thing with two foot
horns, claws, fangs, and a big red nose. This was as planned. He also
noted that the beast was thundering toward him. That was distinctly
less so. “Don’t kill me, Bezuph!” happened to be the last words
of Doctor Rayze Kaen.
..........
We
were working in the lab, trying to fix the uranium-powered nut
cracker and clean up the dead hippo, when the phone rang. I answered
it casually.
“Lab
of Idiots, Kent speaking.”
“Alert!
Alert! There is an evil monster destroying the city! We need you and
Phillip to stop it!” said the voice on the other end. The voice
belonged to the mayor of the town.
“Well,
calling me is a good plan, but why Phil? He's...well...not the
brightest fellow I know,” I responded. Phillip didn't notice the
insult, as he was cleaning up the lab and tended not to notice much.
“Well,
to be honest, you aren't the strongest,” said the mayor. “You may
need a meat shield or a heavy lifter.
“Solid
point, I'll take him,” I said. “Do you have any weapons or
teammates for us?”
“No
weapons, the monster seems bulletproof,” said the mayor. “We're
calling in the National Guard, and they may have some bombs or rocket
launchers, but we're doubtful about that either.”
“All
right, we'll get over and stop that beast,” I said cheerfully. I
then hung up the phone, picked up a lightning pistol, and said “Hey
Phil! Get your weapons together, we're going monster hunting!”
